I thought that since the season finales are airing this week (with a few exceptions – 30Rock, your season ended too soon!), I thought I’d try something new. Instead of just talking to/shouting at the TV, I thought I’d share my thoughts with you in a new feature I’m calling M-D Watches the Season Finales.

I won’t be watching EVERY season finale, mind you, just the shows I’d be watching anyway. And these aren’t going to be reviews as much as they’ll be my stream-of-consciousness thoughts on the episodes (and the ads that surround them), written in (mostly) real-time – essentially, these are the comments I’d turn and make to you if you were sitting in the same room, watching the show with me. And while I’m going to try to keep things as spoiler-free as possible, since these are finales, some minor spoilers may slip through. You’ve been warned.

So, now that the formalities are out of the way, we start with the very last episode ever of Gilmore Girls.

    8:00 PM Eastern

  • Alright, truth be told, I had given up on Gilmore Girls about halfway through this season, what with the lame Christopher plotline and subpar writing, but since NCIS is off tonight (CBS is showing the HeeHaw Awards, or something), I figured I’d check out the last episode ever of Gilmore.

    It wouldn’t be a major episode of Gilmore Girls without a gratuitous cameo by a figure who has no business being on an entertainment program, let alone a program on the CW.

    I’m astounded that (the final shot through the window of Luke’s not withstanding) there are still so many old shots of Alexis Bledel and Lauren Graham in the opening credits. Oh, look, there’s a shot from season 1.

    “Spas are exploding.” “Sounds dangerous.”

    There’s a commercial running for Verizon Wireless’ new service, VCast SongID. While I’d never pay for it, it’s a clever idea. (An aside: Someone actually bothered to cover “You Don’t Have to Take Your Clothes Off”??? Really?)

    “The finale you’ve been waiting for!” Yes, CW Network, if by that you mean “I’ve been waiting for the dreck you call ‘America’s Next Top Model’ to vacate the airwaves for about as long as I can remember.”

  • 8:22

  • My mind is going numb listening to this talk about planning Rory’s ‘reenactment’ graduation party. This segment can’t end too soon.
  • 8:29

  • I don’t know what the “CWH” is, but it’s rotting my brain from the inside. Honestly, this is the kind of promo (promercial?) that makes me embarrassed to watch anything on this network. Say what you will about the UPN – sure, they ran some of the worst programs known to man, but at least I wasn’t embarrassed to watch a UPN promo.
  • 8:31

  • Ah, we’re back, and we’re plunged directly into a classic Gilmore moment – Lorelai and Rory in a high-speed exchange about fanny-packs and giving gum to Barack Obama while the entire town tiptoes into frame with party supplies. That’s better.

    We’re more than halfway through the episode, and they’ve mostly managed to avoid the emotional claptrap that most series finales fall into, which is also a good thing.

  • 8:36

  • Oh, crap. I think I spoke too soon.

    And now we get 20 seconds of two women ironing. Exciting TV!

  • 8:38

  • And here’s the other reason I hate this network. It’s been pretty well documented that Gilmore Girls and it’s lead-out, Veronica Mars, have strong male followings. So why are these hours loaded with tampon and cosmetics ads? At least when I watch on my TiVo, I can blow past this crap.
  • 8:40

  • Kelly Ripa goes to the bank in a skin-tight, hot pink cocktail dress? Come on, Commerce Bank. You can do better.
  • 8:42

  • Please PLEASE don’t ever make me watch Sally Struthers run again. I beg you.

    I wonder what’s going to happen to the “la la lala la” background music lady once this show goes off the air. Will she have to start singing songs with actual lyrics?

  • 8:46

  • So, the entire town has gathered to have the aforementioned party and say bon voyage to Rory. Everyone is applauding for her, and professing their love for her. I dunno, maybe I’m jaded, and even considering how extraordinary the Rory was written to be, I just don’t…

    Eeew. Tyler is talking about the town ‘birthing’ Rory into the world. It’s so disturbing, I’ve lost track of my rant.

  • 8:49

  • Remember what I said before about avoiding emotional claptrap? Never mind.
  • 8:51

  • Luke & Lorelai ‘shippers, time to restart those engines…
  • 8:54

  • “Surf’s Up” promo. Oh, good. Because the world needs ANOTHER talking penguin movie.

    If using the T-Mobile Sidekick ID turns you into a moron who has silly-string fights on crowded escalators, I’ll stick with my Treo, thanks.

  • 8:56

  • Last segment.

    Why did Christopher leave the big-ass flat screen TV? I’d have taken it back.

    And we get the final shot of the series, which is meant to mirror the final shot from the pilot…except, of course, the “Luke’s” storefront was totally different in the pilot. Still, it’s the thought that counts.

And that’s it. Not great, not terrible. But I doubt it’s the finale that the hardcore fans of the show wanted to see.

Coming up next on “M-D Watches…”: The Office & Scrubs, Thursday night.