Proving once again that there’s no point in making up the news when the real thing can be just as funny –
Actual text from CNBC’s ticker (screen crawl), presented in sequence:

…Wall Street Journal reports Ford Motor Company is likely to close 5 North American factories as part of restructuring plan…….President Bush says “the economy is in good shape”…

As a sidenote: not watching much of CNBC, I’m just not clear on this – is “Mad Money with Jim Cramer” supposed to be the stock market version of a monster truck rally? It’s loud and noisy (not to mention uberpatriotic) but doesn’t seem to have much in way of content…