It’s election time again, and in New Jersey, it’s time to put the memory of Jim “Faaaaaaaaabulous” McGreevey behind us by electing someone new to the position. And, Jersey politics being what they are, the campaign turned negative about 10 seconds after the primarys were over.
Believe it or not, I had actually been looking forward to voting this time out. Astounding, I know, given my utter apathy for the Presidential election one year ago, but the NJ Gubernatorial election seemed different, somehow – possibly because we’ve only had an ‘acting’ governor for the last year and then some, possibly because – initially, at least – the candidates were talking about the issues.
All good things come to an end. Like I said before, the negative ads have been running for weeks now, and it’s starting to get depressing. I fully expect to see this ad run before the week is up:
Note: The following is meant as satire. Names of actual candidates have been removed to keep my ass from getting sued.
(the spot opens with a distorted picture of [Candidate C] against a red background)
[Candidate F] likes to remind us over and over that his opponent, [Candidate C], has voted for tax increases 133 times…
(still frames from [Candidate F]’s commercials)
…and how [Candidate C] is another corrupt New Jersey politician…
(more stills)
…Statements which have been proven false.
(stills from newspapers, etc., refuting claims)
So why is [Candidate F] spreading these lies against [Candidate C]?
(still frame of [Candidate F] against a black background and a giant question mark)
It could be that his tax plan doesn’t stand up to scutiny, or that he’s taken millions in payoffs from the drug companies. But the truth of the matter is that [Candidate F]…
(slo-mo video of a baby)
…eats babies.
(previous image of baby superimposed over a table setting)
Is THIS the type of man we want to send to Trenton?
(image of [Candidate F] with blood dribbling from the corners of his mouth)
[Candidate F] – not on our side. Also, he EATS BABIES.
(Paid for by the Committee to Elect the Guy Who’s Not So Much With the Eating Babies.)
I give it a week.
Contrast this with the Mayoral race in New York City, usually a hotbed of negative advertising – where incumbent Michael Bloomberg hasn’t even mentioned his opponent in his ads, let alone gone 20 city blocks near a negative ad. If I didn’t know Bloomberg was going to absolutely DESTROY Fernando Ferrer, I’d call it refreshing.
Well, sure. When both guys are assholes who know that they stand as good a chance of winning as losing, they figure their best shot is to show how the other guy is actually worse than they are.
Did Beavis say that? Douche and a turd? I thought they said something like that…
It was South Park – last year’s “school mascot election” episode.