Could it be I’ve stumbled on a more economical way for Bryan to visit us in NJ?

Man Ships Self From NYC To Dallas In Air Cargo Crate

Just as an FYI for anyone trying to get to Darren’s blog – we’re currently investigating a mysterious problem possibly connected to his domain registration. I’ll let you know when it’s back up. Or maybe he will. You get the idea.

***UPDATE*** Well, it appears the mysterious problem with Darren’s domain registration is that it has expired. Hopefully we can get in touch with the guy who registered the site in the first place and get this all taken care of. In the mean time, watch for bitter grumbling in my comment fields.

Man’s Head Impaled By Drill Bit

Ouch.

Your child will need a backpack for school, and if you wish to have a truly modern, state-of-the-art schoolchild, it must be an actual airline-style suitcase with a handle and wheels. In my neighborhood I see elementary-school students hauling these things around, and I say to myself, “They’re in SECOND grade! What are they CARRYING in there? Fifty-pound Twinkies?” But that is not the point. The point is, American students may not have the best educational test scores compared to foreign students, or even certain species of foreign plants, but by gosh our kids lead the world in cubic feet of academic carrying capacity. – Dave Barry

Image from NYTimes.com

Wow.

Schwarzenegger films would trigger FCC equal time rule

The airing of “Total Recall” or another Schwarzenegger film, or a repeat of a “Diff’rent Strokes” episode with Gary Coleman on broadcast television in California would trigger the Federal Communications Commission’s equal time provision, allowing other candidates to demand the same amount of time.

Cable channels are not covered by the FCC rule, which in the past kept reruns of “Death Valley Days” off the air while Ronald Reagan ran for president. A repeat of a “Saturday Night Live” episode featuring Don Novello, aka Father Guido Sarducci, on cable, for instance, would not trigger the provision.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you read that right. Ahhhhnold, Gary Coleman, and now Father Guido Sarducci are all in the California Recall election.

I’ve come to the conclusion that making shit up is useless when reality steals all the best punchlines.

Please note the Wishlist link to your left. Please also note that you have less than one month remaining before my birthday. Begin shopping. =)

Sorry for the lack of posty goodness, but things have pretty hectic.

Denise and I have successfully moved into Apartment 6 (as it is “officially” known), but getting entirely unpacked has been a challenge. For me, anyway. I haven’t been able to get my boxes unloaded yet. The kitchen is mostly set up – my father and I still need to purchase and install a cabinet under our new tile countertop, and then we can find a place for our pots, pans, and assorted food.

Trying to maintain a stable internet connection has been a challenge as well. The spiffy Motorola all-in-one cable modem/wireless/router/print server/slicer/dicer ended up being shite, and after an exasperating two hours on the phone with Motorola (who, incidentally, do NOT answer the phone with “Hello, Moto”), at 8:45 tonight I packed the damn thing up, ran over to Best Buy, and swapped it for a perfectly serviceable, if not as elegant, Linksys. Needless to say, I didn’t get any unpacking done tonight, but we ARE up and running.

Frankly, I would love to get everything unpacked, set up, arranged, potted, etc., but hey, there’s internet to be installed, or smoke alarms to put up, or…well, there’s a lot of procrastinating. It WILL come to an end, tho. Soon. Or Denise may very well kick me squah in the nuts.

Someday, gentle reader, when I’m moved into my new condo, and I reach the point where I can sit back and laugh, I’ll tell you about the day I had today. All I’ll say was, there was water.

Alot of water.

The reason I haven’t been updating as often as I should be is two-fold. Work this summer has been more demanding than in previous years, mainly as a result from our single biggest “client” paying less and demanding more. So there’s a reorganization, there’s meetings upon meetings, etc. etc. ad infinatum.

The other reason is, as many of you know, I’ve purchased a condo, and (with the assistance of my father and some friends) have been preparing to get it fixed up and in top shape for the grand move out of the Apartment of Fun. (Names for the new condo are still up in the air – suggestions are welcome.) The vast majority of this weekend was spent taping out, painting, re-taping, painting some more, and – did I mention painting? Oh, and IKEA. We can’t forget IKEA.

Now, before certain people accuse me of going all Tyler Durden yet again, this time, we weren’t going for me. This trip (and the one last week) was for Spike and Denise, as they were both without vast amounts of inexpensive Swedish furniture. That didn’t last long. (As for me…I got a set of dishes – $20 for 18 pieces – and two bedside lamps.) (Oh, and a second nightstand.) (What?)

Tomorrow, the new appliances come from Lowes, the security system guy comes in, and at some point, Verizon is supposed to show up, hold me from my feet and shake me until my wallet drops out. Then on Tuesday, the plumbers come back for a 6 hour job (too detailed to go into). The painting continues all the while. Hopefully, I’ll find out what the mysterious pinging sound coming from the utility closet is.

Anyway, the point is, if you don’t hear from me again until next Monday night (when, God and Joe Pesci willing, Comcast will have hooked up my cable and internet), you know why.