4/11: I’ve reduced the size of the image because, well, it’s huge. Go to Penny Arcade! to see many strips like it.

From the Kentucky Legislature website:
02RS HR256 (BR 2906) – T. Burch

Encourage the purchase of a submarine to patrol the waters of the Commonwealth and search and destroy all casino riverboats.

Denise, to Harlan:
Denise – “Harlan, you’re the closest thing to a gay male friend I have.”
Harlan – “…”

In a recent interview with the AP, Tesh said that he thought the commentator “needs a spanking.”

Ooooh! I’m sure Bob Costas is quivering in his NBC monogrammed boots! “John Tesh threatened me! Which one of my sports friends shall I have kick his ass?”

Actually, in thinking about it, I think Costas could take Tesh. He’s small, but he’s wiry. Tesh is a big oaf. And a lousy musician.

At this moment, there are two men tearing my kitchen to bits, hammering on anything and everything available, including metal pipes that I think they may have brought in simply to hammer on. Meanwhile, just outside my house, two completely different men are grinding down the stump from the tree that used to shade the front of my house. (The rest of the tree was taken down and removed on Friday.) Between the hammering, the sawing, the grinding, and my mother constantly complaining about the afforementioned noises (combined with other background noise, including the omnipresent ringing phone), I would sell my eventual first born for a pair of earplugs right now.

The 74th Annual Academy Awards just ended, and frankly, I could care less. Never mind the fact that, as usual, many of the Academy’s picks were dubious at best, policical at worst. Frankly, I didn’t much care because I didn’t see a single nominated movie. I’m pretty ashamed of myself, actually. Normally I’m Mr. Entertainment, and I try to get to as many movies as I can. But I can count the number of movies I’ve been in theaters over the last year on one hand, and still have fingers to spare. So I wasn’t all that bothered that “A Beautiful Mind” won more awards than it probably should have, nor was I that elated when Randy Newman finally won an award for best song on his 16th try. I pretty much tuned the show out after “Best Song”, turning around every once in a while to see what people are wearing (and to ponder what they’re thinking when they’re getting dressed).

Maybe next year I’ll have seen more of the films involved. Of course, if I had people to see those films with…

For Spike & Ali:
Hilarious Hamlet Essay Circulated In Teachers’ Lounge
“‘Hamlet is a character in a tragedical play of the same name, Hamlet, which was written by William Shakespeare, and Hamlet also stands as the protagonist of the play,'” Parker, 39, solemnly read over the laughter of her colleagues. “Wait, wait, shut up, it goes on: ‘Hamlet, who is portrayed here as a very emotional soul, is a daring, brave character, who some believe has a bad temper.’ I would say Erin is definitely on to something here.”

Finding Pay Dirt in Scannable Driver’s Licenses
What’s your opinion? I’d like to know.

Things went (for the most part) just like I said they would on Friday. The mass consumption of nachos ended up happening at Stress Factory, resulting in no trip to the Greasetrucks.

Lewis Black killed. No other way to say it. There were moments during his set when I literally couldn’t breathe. It also helped that he had two really good warmups, plus the Stress Factory “Patented” Crank Call went over pretty well. But Lewis Black absolutely killed. (He did about 10 minutes on New Jersey that nearly had me on the floor. – “Pretty soon, you’re going to pull out of your driveway, and – BOOM! – cars!”) Good shit. Plus it was good to see Josh and Harlan again.

I’d love for someone to answer this question for me – at the United check in counter at Newark Airport, there’s one counter labeled “1K Check In”. What’s it for?

Bryan and I both know all the lyrics to the Buffy musical episode (“Once More wth Feeling”). It’s kinda scary.

Newark Airport has too many ramps.

I think that’s about it for now. Depending on if Josh posts his (and when Bry gets back online) there may be pictures.

So here’s how this weekend is shaping up:

Tonight – Lewis Black at the Stress Factory. I’ll be joined by Bryan, Spike and Josh. Comedy, followed most likely by heart-attack-inducing sandwiches at the Greasetrucks. A good time to be had by all.

Saturday – the afternoon is still somewhat up in the air, but I’m pretty sure Bryan and Darren will be involved in some way. In the evening, we get to check out what Ali’s been doing with her time for the last 2 months – we’re going to see her production of “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying” (or, as it was known in it’s last Broadway revival, “H2$”) at Lawrence High School. Darren (or, technically, Reid Sound) is doing sound…and somehow, Darren got suckered into designing lights too. Ah, the obligations of marriage.

Sunday Sunday Sunday! – Sleep. Sleep. Drive Bryan to Newark Airport, most likely. Then my buddy Steve comes over for Wrestlemania X-8 on PPV and mass consumption of nachos.

All in all, a pretty busy weekend. Let’s see if it plays out as planned…